Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness. Happiness that would have sufficed his entire life. At least, that’s what he thought. He had just got engaged to the love of his life. He was appointed as the CEO of the company, where he had worked for three years. His parents were proud of him. He was living the dream. He was living the dream, until she was diagnosed of cancer. Everyday, she fought to live with him. Everyday, she went through eternal suffering to see him. But also, everyday, she died a little inside knowing what a hell she was leaving for him. She knew, that her suffering was time bound. But, the suffering that he’ll experience had no limits. The only thing that she knew is that her suffering was going to end, but his suffering had just begun. He tried preparing himself for the inevitable. He kept his calm, until the fate intervened. Until, she finally left him. And, like a thunder in a stormy night, he suddenly realised that he was never prepared. He could never have been. Since, the day he had known, he was standing in a burning house. Only, he hadn’t realised when the house had turned into an inferno, from which there was no escape. And, thus, his soul burned in the fire of the inferno she had left for him. And thus, the misery began. Time did not change anything, because the power of healing that time possessed was less than the power that burnt him alive everyday. Because, sometimes there is no escape from misery. Sometimes, time cannot heal the wounds. Because, some love stories have the soul of true love, powerful enough to destroy the entire world of the lovers, forever.
She loved him with everything she had. He did too. But, there was a difference between them. She knew what love meant. He didn’t. She knew what pain it could cause to hurt someone. He didn’t. Until he did. Until she decided to leave him. He had left her for other women many times before. So, she knew what it meant to lose him. But, she had always welcomed him back through the open doors of her heart, forgiving him everytime. It was like she was addicted to the pain he inflicted on her. She had many chances to leave him behind. But she never did. She had turned into a bird living in cage. A bird who was entrapped in the cage of his presence. And, everytime she had a chance to fly away, she decided not to. BECAUSE, BY THE TIME IT WAS HER TURN TO FLY OFF FROM THE CAGE, SHE HAD FALLEN IN LOVE WITH IT. She couldn’t leave him, even if that meant for her to bear the suffering that he caused him. Even if that meant for her to never spread her wings again. But, one day something within her changed. Everytime he set her on fire, she used to close her eyes. But, this time she saw herself burn alive. She saw her wings set on fire. And, that is when she decided to end the suffering. She decided that the bruises on her body needed to heal. And, so she left him. To inflict the same pain he inflicted on her. To free herself from all the injuries. And, he did feel the pain. This time, he burnt alive. Earlier, when he was away, she used to walk in her town thinking he would be walking in his town too, forgetting the distances between them. Now, he did. Earlier, she used to convince him. Now he did. But, all the flowers and chocolates didn’t make a difference, once she decided that it wasn’t worth it. Because, sometimes you need to get rid of old things to make place for new ones. Because, sometimes you need to get rid of unworthy people to make place for the worthy ones. Because, sometimes you need to leave a story to be a part of better one.
Day 1. Last night we broke up. I did not sleep. I tried to. But, I couldn’t. And I think it’ll take me some time to sleep again. It’ll take me some time to walk again. It’ll take me sometime to control these tears.
Day 2. My phone keeps ringing. People have tried contacting me. But, I need to stay alone. I am not ready to leave my bed. I am not ready to clean up all our photographs that lie on my couch. I am not ready to clean up the broken vases and the antiques that lie on the floor. I am not ready to face the world right now.
Day 3. I am sitting on the floor next to the door. Waiting for him. Thinking about all the times we spent together. I need to shake off the pain. I cannot take this anymore. Should I start smoking weed again? Or will anyone deliver some morphine at home?
Day 4. Mom came last night. She told me that he never deserved me anyway. Maybe she is right. I am trying to count the number of times he fought with me. The number of times he hit me. And, I have run out of fingers and toes counting. Maybe it is better he left me.
Day 7. I went to outside today. As I walked down the street, everything reminded me of him. Why did he leave me? Why didn’t he just kill me? Why?!
Day 10. It’s been 10 days. I feel better. I went to a concert last night. It was good. I feel like The burden got off my chest. I am ready to fight. Fight him all alone.
Day 15. This is day 1. Day 1 of my journey to glory. I am all ready. I am ready to explore whatever he forced me to get rid off.
Day 20. He called me up today. Said he was sorry. Even sounded like it. But, I’m not sorry. It was his decision to build me a coffin instead of buying flowers. And it took me a lifetime to rise up. And, I’m not ready to die again. I’m not ready to feel that kind of pain again. I’m not ready to find happiness with him again. Because, it is better to search for happiness in places which you haven’t explored rather than finding it in the same place you lost it.
“If you really loved her, you should have preferred her happiness over yours. Because, that is what true love is. To put someone else before your ownself.”, his friend told him. “NO”, he replied. “I don’t agree with this at all. I mean, that is not love. It will not make me happy. And if I am not happy, then how can I even make someone else happy? I mean haven’t you heard, that to say ‘I love you’, we first have to learn to say the letter ‘I’? To putting someone else before you is pure bullshit. What if in ten years, we guys are not together? What if the she dies or leaves me? I mean I think that after all this time, it will not make me happy to think about the fact that I sacrificed myself for her. It will rather me think of it as a tragedy, of her as something little more mean, as I sacrificed things for something that did not even last forever. And, the worst part is that she let me. It’s fine that Olaf was ready to melt down into water for Anna. But, if he would have to stay for for her and do her chores, that would have been much more difficult.”If you really loved her, you should have preferred her happiness over yours. Because, that is what true love is. To put someone else before your ownself.”, his friend told him. “NO”, he replied. “I don’t agree with this at all. I mean, that is not love. It will not make me happy. And if I am not happy, then how can I even make someone else happy? I mean haven’t you heard, that to say ‘I love you’, we first have to learn to say the letter ‘I’? To putting someone else before you is pure bullshit. What if in ten years, we guys are not together? What if the she dies or leaves me? I mean I think that after all this time, it will not make me happy to think about the fact that I sacrificed myself for her. It will rather me think of it as a tragedy, of her as something little more mean, as I sacrificed things for something that did not even last forever. And, the worst part is that she let me. It’s fine that Olaf was ready to melt down into water for Anna. But, if he would have to stay for for her and do her chores, that would have been much more difficult. Because, it is easy to die for someone at once. But to sacrifice your life for someone everyday is just too painful. Because, it is easy to die for someone. But, it is far too painful to live for someone.” And he knew that it is absolutely fine to chose not to go through that pain, through that hell everyday. Afterall, he was human. And though he made her cry one time, but he would make her happy many more times. Because he knew the reality. He knew that he couldn’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of his own and think that counted as love. True love was to make the lovers happy and not making one of them happy and the other one sad. And, after that incident, many more times she complained that he never compromised. But, not a single time they were sad. He didn’t only let himself from sacrificing but also never let her compromise anything for him. Because, love is not to sacrifice things. Rather, love is to find the most beautiful things in a rather different way. Because, happiness isn’t gained from sacrificing. It is gained from keeping the heavenly joys that make you happy. Because, that is what the human nature is. To gain happiness from greed of getting more and more. Because, it is easy to die for someone. But, it is far too painful to live for someone.” And he knew that it is absolutely fine to chose not to go through that pain, through that hell everyday. Afterall, he was human. And though he made her cry one time, but he would make her happy many more times. Because he knew the reality. He knew that he couldn’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of his own and think that counted as love. True love was to make the lovers happy and not making one of them happy and the other one sad. And, after that incident, many more times she complained that he never compromised. But, not a single time they were sad. He didn’t only let himself from sacrificing but also never let her compromise anything for him. Because, love is not to sacrifice things. Rather, love is to find the most beautiful things in a rather different way. Because, happiness isn’t gained from sacrificing. It is gained from keeping the heavenly joys that make you happy. Because, that is what the human nature is. To gain happiness from greed of getting more and more.
“I’m not sure if I’m running towards home or away from it. If I’m running towards my heart or away from it. Because right now, I’ve placed my ego and dignity over my happiness”, he told himself trying to solve the mess he had created. Nothing was working out the way he had expected. He had tried to win his life by placing happiness and dignity together. But, the life had thrown a curve ball making him chose one of the two, wrecking all his plans for future. He was angry with his life. The dire need of being happy had not gained him happiness. Rather, the life had gifted him anger. Anger, strong enough to melt away the flesh from his skin. He had often heard, “If you know exactly what you want from life, life gives it to you.” He knew exactly what he wanted. Then why wasn’t life giving it to him? What was his mistake? Why was the life playing the mournful song for him, when he wanted it to play the sirens of happiness? He wanted to be with his family and the love of his life. But, his dignity was acting as a barrier. He had made mistakes. But, his ego was too big to accept them. Afterall, a man like him could not err. Or at least that’s what he thought. And, one day he finally realised this. He finally realised, that the life was a merry-go round which turned clockwise if you chose happiness and anti- clockwise if you chose dignity. He finally decided to swallow his pride and apologise for everything, gulping all the tears at once. He decided to talk about his fears, for a change. And, that is when he realised that talking about his fears did not make him a coward, facing them only made him free light as a feather, free of all of them. And after that, everything changed. He got what he needed, sooner or later. Because, life gifts everyone what they need, sooner or later. All we need to do is realise what we’re doing wrong. What is the hurdle stopping us from getting to our final destination. Because, as soon as we do that, we win.
Some said that she was invincible. Others said that she could be easily beaten. Some said she was a small town girl who had worked hard to be at the position she was. Others said that she was a city girl who had worked her way into the position. Some said that she was from a poor family. Others said that she came from a well to do family. But, no one really knew who she was. One thing that everyone knew was that she had something within her. Something that made everyone attracted towards her. Something that made her a mystery and everyone who knew her, or had known her in the passing wanted to solve it. Something that made everyone wanted to win her. But, no one ever won. She was a firefly that attracted everyone but was trapped in a glass cage, where no one could reach her. A glass cage, she had made herself, by her own will. No one actually knew her. And one day someone came who changed everything. Someone came and broke open the cage, to know the secrets that she hadn’t let anyone see. Someone came who finally understood that her glow, wasn’t anything usual. The candle inside her was of darkness. Someone who finally knew that she was invincible because her fire which was wildly difficult to contain. Someone who made her winning a bit more special. Someone who embraced her darkness. Someone who liked her and supported her the way she was. And guess what?! That ‘someone’ wasn’t a prince charming. That ‘someone’ was a girl who turned into her best friend. Because, sometimes, you need a friend more than a knight in shining armour. Because, every story does not need love in a romantic way. Because, some lovestories don’t need lovers. They just need true love.
“You don’t get to judge me. When I first met you, I thought, ‘thats it.’ You are my knight in shining armour. But you left me. You chose someone else. And I’ve mended the part of myself that you broke with your decisions. And I won’t apologise for the way I chose to mend it. You made your decision and now I’m making mine. You don’t get to judge me.”, she told him. “I know my decisions hurt you. And all I can say is sorry. But, how can I look at you and not think that it was all because of me? How can I look at you and not think that it was all because of me, that your heart lost all its warmness and turned stone cold? How can I look in your eyes and ask for forgiveness, for the irrevocable damage that my decisions did to you? It wasn’t supposed to end up this way. My decisions shouldn’t have affected your decisions.”, he replied. “I never wanted to change, but I guess I was too far away from being myself at the moment. I guess I never had the choice to return. I cannot console you by telling you that all this isn’t because of you. It is. But, I can ease your pain by telling you that I forgave you. I forgave you the night I couldn’t take the pain anymore. The forgiveness did not come from happiness or the desire to achieve it. But, it came from a place where I was too fragile, and it was too dark for me to see. It came from a place, where the pain had grown too much to hurt me. Where the pain left my body numb to judge you. That was the place, that was the night I forgave you.” And years passed. Her heart which had turned cold, started freezing. Slowly, the freezing changed her for worse. It brought her nearer to death everyday. Until the day she met him. Until his eyes set her heart on fire. Until their love undid whatever had been done. Until their marriage brought her back to the same place where she could be herself again. How he changed everything, was pure magic. Afterall, isn’t it magic to turn something irrevocable back to original? And that is the reason her story echoed in ears of thousands of people. Because, it taught how love had magic. Because it taught how love had a fire that thawed the coldness inside people.
“And here’s to the new year resolution. I will talk to more people and make new friends. And new enemies. I will leave the people who are not worth it. I will move on. And most of all, I will bleed for better reasons this year”, he told himself. The past year had completely changed his life. Last year, he left his home, left his family to pursue his dreams. He wanted to be an engineer. But, as soon as he reached where he thought his dreams could take a flight, he realised that it wasn’t that easy. Being an engineer wasn’t that easy. To survive, he made friends. Friends who used him as a stepping stone to move ahead to fulfil their own dreams. Friends who literally stepped on his dreams and crushed them to move ahead. But, they never realised that his dreams were like water. Trying to punch them would only make them bounce back with double the force. His entire life had changed. Last year, he came to knew about the harsh reality of life. He had transformed, from the transformations and atrocities he had to face. But, he never felt lost, because he knew that even if someday he is lost in reality, his destination will find him. And, he did become an engineer. The one who never lost his path. Not because he was smart, but because he had faith. Because, sometimes faith is what keeps the spark within us kindled, leading us to the destination. Because, the light of faith always guides you, even when you are lost.
Sometimes we feel it is better not to expect anything. We do not want birthday celebrations, or big fat weddings. But when the day comes, when the moment of realisation comes, reality dawns like a thunder. We realise there is no one with us. And suddenly all we need are balloons and a big cake. That is the irony. We fail to understand this simple fact for most part of our lives. And that is what happened with him. “I do not want any birthday celebrations this time”, he said. Not because, he did not want them. But because, he knew that if he told them that they could celebrate, there would be too much expectations. Expectations, which he knew if not fulfilled, would make his soul cry terribly. Because, if like the last time, they forgot his birthday, he would shatter into millions of tiny pieces which would be impossible to rearrange. And so, they decided not to celebrate. But, when no one came to wish him, he was disappointed. Even though they did what he wanted, he still felt terrible. All he could do was hug the pillow tightly and cry his heart out. All he could do was to stare at his phone and wait for it to ring. And that’s when he realised how helpless he was. How lonely he was. And that birthday, no one called. That birthday, he celebrated all alone. Years after, he repeated the same mistake. But, by that time, he had found someone who knew him better than he knew himself. Who kew him like her own name. And despite what he said, she celebrated his birthday. And that was the best birthday ever. That was when he realised that if you push someone, that person will hug you back tighter if he or she loves you. Because, that is when you need them the most. Because, when you act the strongest, you are actually at the weakest point, at the verge of breaking completely. Because, when you feel like you cannot afford to expect, that is when you actually expect. That is when you actually need someone to give you a surprise, to not let your soul break completely.
“Everything is fine. I forgive you”, he told his dad sitting in the cafe. His dad was relieved. He knew he had committed a sin. But, he was relieved that at least his son had forgiven him. He took a deep breath and left happily. But, his son wasn’t. Because, his son coouldn’t forgive him for the crime he had committed. He had cheated his mother. Again. And, that was a crime that did not only harm his mother. It killed him too. Afterall, everytime his mother shattered, only he was left to pick up the broken pieces. And, he had been too tired from recollecting the pieces and arranging them in the right place. His hands had bled too much, again and again, from picking up the broken glass pieces of his mother’s life. But, he still said he forgave him. Because, he knew that he will never be able to forgive him. But, he also knew that a small lie would give his father a reason to live. And thus, he had to lie. Even if that make him go through a crucible. Because, sometimes you have to lie to make your family happy. Because, sometimes you have to lie to give someone a reason to live.